It has been a bit over a week since I last blogged, took a bit of a break over Thanksgiving, but this idea has been rolling around in my head for a while. It is something that brings itself to the forefront of my consciousness with regularity.
Some people drive me absolutely out of my mind.
For some time I wasn't really able to identify why some people who were clearly incredibly obnoxious didn't really ruffle my feathers while others who seemed pretty steady made me crazy. Oftentimes the people whose presence most bothered me didn't bear any of the traditional markers of being annoying, I couldn't quite put my finger on what my beef with them was.
Eventually, I was able to distinguish the traits in others that often put me over the edge. These people were essentially cartoon versions of myself.
When you go to an artist sitting on a city street or set up in a booth at some sort of festival and ask for a caricature of yourself, that person doesn't seek to make an exact representation of you. Instead, they identify your unique characteristics and blow them up to cartoonish proportions. The drawing doesn't exactly capture what you look like, but it is easily recognized.
The handful of people who most contribute to my graying and disappearing head of hair are those who take one my tendencies or temperaments and explode them to the point where they are almost unrecognizable, yet undeniably point back at me.
I know that I tend to be stubborn and contend that I do, in fact, know it all. I am very rarely wrong. A few people in my life have helped me to work that out a bit by acting as my personal interactive caricature. They drove me up to wall by being an exaggerated version of me.
In college I got into an argument with a guy who contended that he was right about some minor matter of fact. Fortunately for me, it was easy enough to find a reference book and prove him wrong. So I thought. Even in the face of confirmation that his stance was faulty, he looked truth in the face and claimed it to be wrong. Yes, he chose to claim the book was somehow wrong before admitting he was mistaken.
So began my journey. I realized in that moment that I often acted the same way, and that the argument only continued because I was equally unable to give up on it as the other guy. Soon enough, I began to change by ways to avoid such a confrontation.
Nowadays I often find myself saying things like "I can't say for sure, but I think..." or "I think I know, but let me check before I say something that will end up being incorrect." and even, " I don't have any idea, but I would guess..."
The way to never be wrong is not to relentlessly cling to your claims, but to avoid making such claims in the first place. Make sure you have the facts before you plant your flag. Make sure you can differentiate opinions from fact. Even more, learn that oftentimes it is your interpretation of the evidence you have in hand that leads you to make such faulty statements.
I recall a more recent caricature experience which served as a reminder of this tendency and actually an encouragement that I am actually still growing. Allow me to recount said encounter with said anonymous contentious person:
John/Jane Doe makes a statement that is easy to confirm or debunk but prefers to simply stand on his or her own statement simply out of the belief that they are not capable of being wrong. I say, "Well that doesn't sound right, but I am not going to just contradict you based on my belief that I am not capable of being wrong." I jet to my handy computer and find an answer that is easy to find via Google or other points of reference. I make confirmation that I am right and he and/or she is in fact wrong. He/she stutters and stammers and shamefully admits the wrong or finds some excuse and/or explanation why he or she was more confused than actually wrong in an effort to curb their sick feeling over the realization that they have made a complete fool of themselves. In many cases he or she endeavors to goes back in time and change what he or she actually said or "meant."
To be fair, this is more of an amalgamation of about 27 different confrontations with this anonymous androgynous character that almost always end the same way.
I think everyone can see a bit their worst traits caricaturized in the relations that most frustrate them. This is why parents can become so exasperated by their children.
I have found that this doesn't only have to be a matter of frustration, but can become a source of inspiration. I don't want to be "that guy," and my caricature shows me what I could become if my idiosyncrasies become my defining characteristics.
