Today I was sent to the store for a gallon of milk for the making of some lunchtime potato soup. Since I live in Assumption, IL - the best choice for this purchase also happened to be a gas station. This circumstance reminded me that at different times I have heard comparisons made between the prices of a gallon of gas and of milk. Today the milk cost me $3.19, while a gallon of gas would have cost 2.79 at the same store.
With those prices, I am pleased with driving a gas powered vehicle - yet I still wonder about how things would be different if they ("they" being scientists about whom I know little-to-nothing) had gone with lactose locomotion instead of the internal combustion engine.
I am too ignorant to postulate about the mechanics of a curd car, but I do have a wide variety of questions about the concept and its wide-ranging effects on the world at large.
What sort of milk works best? Cow's milk would probably be easiest to come by, but goat milk may be higher octane. Would something more exotic would be used for luxury vehicles - you know, the cream of the crop? Maybe cheetah or race horse milk. If that is the case, I imagine something more powerful would be needed for jet fuel, but do any mammals fly? I know it doesn't make sense, but I am sure that only seal and whale milk could be used for boating. I can think about so many more questions along that line, those ones barely skim the surface - they account for maybe 1% or 2% of what is coming to mind right now - a really condensed version of my thoughts.
Would everyone have their own dairy cow? I would. I have a huge back yard. I would have like 5 cows. No way I am buying more milk than I have to. Would it need to be pasteurized or would it work better whole? Someone would make millions producing home pasteurization gadgets. I wonder if people would create co-ops and pool their milk or even their cattle together? It would make sense and probably be cheaper than buying it retail. Of course if there were too many government regulations to actually produce your own milk, that is all a moo point. I would hope they would at least allow us to use half and half - you know part from our own supply and part purchased commercially.
What would happen to the advertising campaign featuring famous people with milk mustaches? Would we even drink milk anymore?
Would milk stations smell terrible from all the milk dripping on the ground when you fill your car?
Would it become acceptable to cry over spilled milk?
What does homogenized mean? Does it affect milk mileage?
Would it milk propulsion be more or less expensive than using gasoline and would Wisconsin become the new Saudi Arabia? How long would it take Michael Moore to make a movie about all this?
Would astronauts have to use their ice cream to fuel their rockets?
Would we have to use fresh milk before the expiration date or could we simply reconstitute evaporated milk?
That opens up an entirely different line of thinking involving cheese-propulsion methods that would probably be extraneous even for me right now. That would be taking it whey too far.
Would a person with lactose intolerance have to use almond milk? Would a vegan feel obligated to opt for soy milk? Would those even work?!
Now you know what is happening when I get that far-away look and my eyes glaze over. It is udderly ridiculous.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A Meeting of the Mines
In spite of working at a small church in a small town, my schedule is still fraught with meetings. I meet with the preaching minister, committees, and volunteers here, with the other local ministers, with area Christian church ministers, with youth workers from the camp area, and with planning teams for a variety of events ranging from summer camp to the middle school lock in we just had. Some meetings have tasks they need to accomplish, others are just for to get together and do what I will generously call networking.
With the proper mix of format, agenda, and company, I tend to find meetings pretty appealing as a change of pace from my normal schedule. On the other hand, so many things can go wrong with a meeting that never cease to be amazed by it.
It could be an unprepared leader with no plan of action, it could be that I find the subject matter completely pointless and my attendance is a matter of undesired obligation, or it could be that others in attendance are confrontational and oppose progress - there is a veritable mine field of potential problems.. While all of those possibilities contribute to my frustration with many meetings, none stack up to my resentment towards the real star of this blog.
So here is the scenario.
The meeting is going along smoothly. Everyone arrived and was greeted amicably before things got underway. The leader of this meeting laid out some goals and a brief agenda and got started without any big speeches. We power through things - assigning responsibilities, brainstorming and refining ideas, making decisions - doing everything with a good dose of fun and without condescension. Then one guy, there is almost always that guy, brings everything screeching to a halt.
Apparently, now is the appropriate time to address all the details of his pet project. He has been waiting for his moment to shine. He isn't bringing up any grand ideas or laying out any vision - he is merely crippling the progress with mundane minutiae. Suddenly, matters that would better be handled by an individual or by a small group are being forced into the laps of a larger group than will ever accomplish the task.
They want to talk about safety, they want to talk about the philosophy behind the decisions in questions, they want to bring up endless contingencies that will never happen, they want me to slip something into their coffee so we can continue our meeting in relative peace.
In working with students, I have found that this person always has a fall back issue - making out. His God-appointed role is to always make sure that middle school, high school, and college students aren't making out on his watch. To anyone outside the world of youth ministry - let me assure you that this isn't just one guy I know, there is a whole self-appointed league of extraordinary gentlemen tasked with this agenda.
For responsible youth workers, it is something that sits in the back of our minds but we understand that if young people are dead set on getting frisky, it is going to happen. We generally try to make making out difficult without making not making out our main objective. Make sense?
These people have great imaginations. Every dark, quiet, private, or potentially secretive spot is destined to be a hot spot of adolescent kissy facing. Exposing these sites is their crusade. They will stop at nothing to shed light on, patrol, and publicize every nook and niche of the church building, campsite, or convention center.No imaginable scenario is too improbable to discuss, no possible spot is to unrealistic to dismiss, no potential resolution is so simple and obvious that it doesn't require some conversation.
My experience tells me it is dangerous business to make light of their cause...
I propose a subcommittee for the prevention of kisses for every meeting in which I am involved. Everyone is invited to participate but no one is required to attend. The findings of said committee are to be meticulously recorded before being filed along with the results of the meetings or the subcommittee for the prevention of utterly implausible accidents, the subcommittee for the discussion of the theology and philosophy of the irrelevant, and the subcommittee for the preparation of an unnecessary "plan B."
In addition, there will be a pre-meeting meeting for those who failed to prepare for the meeting so they don't waste everyone else' time, an exhaustive FAQ sheet to answer the questions we have already addressed and don't care to rehash, and an optional post-meeting meeting for anyone who doesn't want to do any real work on their own or doesn't realize that is a viable option.
Everyone else is welcome to meet me for lunch.
With the proper mix of format, agenda, and company, I tend to find meetings pretty appealing as a change of pace from my normal schedule. On the other hand, so many things can go wrong with a meeting that never cease to be amazed by it.
It could be an unprepared leader with no plan of action, it could be that I find the subject matter completely pointless and my attendance is a matter of undesired obligation, or it could be that others in attendance are confrontational and oppose progress - there is a veritable mine field of potential problems.. While all of those possibilities contribute to my frustration with many meetings, none stack up to my resentment towards the real star of this blog.
So here is the scenario.
The meeting is going along smoothly. Everyone arrived and was greeted amicably before things got underway. The leader of this meeting laid out some goals and a brief agenda and got started without any big speeches. We power through things - assigning responsibilities, brainstorming and refining ideas, making decisions - doing everything with a good dose of fun and without condescension. Then one guy, there is almost always that guy, brings everything screeching to a halt.
Apparently, now is the appropriate time to address all the details of his pet project. He has been waiting for his moment to shine. He isn't bringing up any grand ideas or laying out any vision - he is merely crippling the progress with mundane minutiae. Suddenly, matters that would better be handled by an individual or by a small group are being forced into the laps of a larger group than will ever accomplish the task.
They want to talk about safety, they want to talk about the philosophy behind the decisions in questions, they want to bring up endless contingencies that will never happen, they want me to slip something into their coffee so we can continue our meeting in relative peace.
In working with students, I have found that this person always has a fall back issue - making out. His God-appointed role is to always make sure that middle school, high school, and college students aren't making out on his watch. To anyone outside the world of youth ministry - let me assure you that this isn't just one guy I know, there is a whole self-appointed league of extraordinary gentlemen tasked with this agenda.
For responsible youth workers, it is something that sits in the back of our minds but we understand that if young people are dead set on getting frisky, it is going to happen. We generally try to make making out difficult without making not making out our main objective. Make sense?
These people have great imaginations. Every dark, quiet, private, or potentially secretive spot is destined to be a hot spot of adolescent kissy facing. Exposing these sites is their crusade. They will stop at nothing to shed light on, patrol, and publicize every nook and niche of the church building, campsite, or convention center.No imaginable scenario is too improbable to discuss, no possible spot is to unrealistic to dismiss, no potential resolution is so simple and obvious that it doesn't require some conversation.
My experience tells me it is dangerous business to make light of their cause...
I propose a subcommittee for the prevention of kisses for every meeting in which I am involved. Everyone is invited to participate but no one is required to attend. The findings of said committee are to be meticulously recorded before being filed along with the results of the meetings or the subcommittee for the prevention of utterly implausible accidents, the subcommittee for the discussion of the theology and philosophy of the irrelevant, and the subcommittee for the preparation of an unnecessary "plan B."
In addition, there will be a pre-meeting meeting for those who failed to prepare for the meeting so they don't waste everyone else' time, an exhaustive FAQ sheet to answer the questions we have already addressed and don't care to rehash, and an optional post-meeting meeting for anyone who doesn't want to do any real work on their own or doesn't realize that is a viable option.
Everyone else is welcome to meet me for lunch.
Monday, October 25, 2010
My 5 Favorite Words.
This past Wednesday, one of the students that attends my student ministry walked in and said - "This better be good, my mom made me come to this youth group tonight."
It was like music to my ears. Strip away the not-so-pleasant extras that typify the statements of your average Middle School student and something really cool is left behind - My parents made me come. Those have got to be among my favorite words to hear. Obviously, it would be preferable for every student to want to come on their own, but a person in my position is all to aware that the influence of parents is much more far reaching than my own.
Sometimes parents get afraid that if the "force" their kids to attend church or youth group or whatever they will be horribly, irreparably scarred by it and grow up to be complete heathens with a deep-seated bitterness towards church, God, and them.
Yes. Just like when you force them to eat veggies and brush their teeth and do their homework and go to bed at night and all those other things that they don't want to do at the time but are clearly important for them to do.I have never heard of anyone's fear that their child will grow embittered towards tooth brushing and give up all forms of personal hygiene because it was forced upon them.
It is at this point where someone is probably thinking that their parents did require them to attend some sort of church function and it did result in some form of rebellion that has stretched into their adulthood. It is more rare than you would imagine and it is almost never that simple. More often it is not that they were forced to attend so much as how, or why, or the fact that their parent's lifestyles didn't sync up with their religious professions resulting in a confused and eventually cynical response.
Don't worry, telling your child that they need to turn off the TV, do their homework later, or get over the fact that their friend won't be there that night don't yield that result. Eventually it can grow to something more, but the simple explanation about why you want them to go can go an awful long way. Ultimately, it is all a decision they have to make on their own - but your leadership as they mature is crucial.
It is incredibly important that your children are able to question their faith and make it their own rather than simply accepting it as some sort of inheritance. It is essential that they eventually find their faith, and as a result, their participation in Church life to be a vital part of their life. When a parent doesn't show them how important it truly is, it is awful hard to make that connection.
In my years as a youth minister, I have had a handful of students who have attended with zero support from their parents and it always blows my mind. I am convinced I would not be where I am today had my parents made Church an optional activity. In the cases where there isn't parental involvement, it seems like it is always all or nothing. They are either committed and regular participants, or they visit once and never come back more than a few times a year.
There isn't room for a middle ground when no one is creating that room.
Let your children know how you value your faith by emphasizing the simplest aspects of it - church attendance, Bible study, prayer. If I ask a religion-based question of young people, those are invariably among the first answers -- because they are the most obvious, simple, and basic acts of faith to the point that even the youngest children know them!
So parents, don't worry, we youth ministers don't mind if they are only coming because you are making them come - we have a great appreciation when you are making that decision - we can't teach them if you don't!
Students, don't complain if you don't want to come or you want to go somewhere else, you parents are right - your faith in general is and your participation in your "home" church are of the utmost importance in helping develop a personal and independent faith.
Everyone else, learn to appreciate the value of the words: My parents made me come.
It was like music to my ears. Strip away the not-so-pleasant extras that typify the statements of your average Middle School student and something really cool is left behind - My parents made me come. Those have got to be among my favorite words to hear. Obviously, it would be preferable for every student to want to come on their own, but a person in my position is all to aware that the influence of parents is much more far reaching than my own.
Sometimes parents get afraid that if the "force" their kids to attend church or youth group or whatever they will be horribly, irreparably scarred by it and grow up to be complete heathens with a deep-seated bitterness towards church, God, and them.
Yes. Just like when you force them to eat veggies and brush their teeth and do their homework and go to bed at night and all those other things that they don't want to do at the time but are clearly important for them to do.I have never heard of anyone's fear that their child will grow embittered towards tooth brushing and give up all forms of personal hygiene because it was forced upon them.
It is at this point where someone is probably thinking that their parents did require them to attend some sort of church function and it did result in some form of rebellion that has stretched into their adulthood. It is more rare than you would imagine and it is almost never that simple. More often it is not that they were forced to attend so much as how, or why, or the fact that their parent's lifestyles didn't sync up with their religious professions resulting in a confused and eventually cynical response.
Don't worry, telling your child that they need to turn off the TV, do their homework later, or get over the fact that their friend won't be there that night don't yield that result. Eventually it can grow to something more, but the simple explanation about why you want them to go can go an awful long way. Ultimately, it is all a decision they have to make on their own - but your leadership as they mature is crucial.
It is incredibly important that your children are able to question their faith and make it their own rather than simply accepting it as some sort of inheritance. It is essential that they eventually find their faith, and as a result, their participation in Church life to be a vital part of their life. When a parent doesn't show them how important it truly is, it is awful hard to make that connection.
In my years as a youth minister, I have had a handful of students who have attended with zero support from their parents and it always blows my mind. I am convinced I would not be where I am today had my parents made Church an optional activity. In the cases where there isn't parental involvement, it seems like it is always all or nothing. They are either committed and regular participants, or they visit once and never come back more than a few times a year.
There isn't room for a middle ground when no one is creating that room.
Let your children know how you value your faith by emphasizing the simplest aspects of it - church attendance, Bible study, prayer. If I ask a religion-based question of young people, those are invariably among the first answers -- because they are the most obvious, simple, and basic acts of faith to the point that even the youngest children know them!
So parents, don't worry, we youth ministers don't mind if they are only coming because you are making them come - we have a great appreciation when you are making that decision - we can't teach them if you don't!
Students, don't complain if you don't want to come or you want to go somewhere else, you parents are right - your faith in general is and your participation in your "home" church are of the utmost importance in helping develop a personal and independent faith.
Everyone else, learn to appreciate the value of the words: My parents made me come.
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