Driving Miss Dairy

Today I was sent to the store for a gallon of milk for the making of some lunchtime potato soup. Since I live in Assumption, IL - the best choice for this purchase also happened to be a gas station. This circumstance reminded me that at different times I have heard comparisons made between the prices of a gallon of gas and of milk. Today the milk cost me $3.19, while a gallon of gas would have cost 2.79 at the same store.

With those prices, I am pleased with driving a gas powered vehicle - yet I still wonder about how things would be different if they ("they" being scientists about whom I know little-to-nothing) had gone with lactose locomotion instead of the internal combustion engine.

I am too ignorant to postulate about the mechanics of a curd car, but I do have a wide variety of questions about the concept and its wide-ranging effects on the world at large.

What sort of milk works best? Cow's milk would probably be easiest to come by, but goat milk may be higher octane. Would something more exotic would be used for luxury vehicles - you know, the cream of the crop? Maybe cheetah or race horse milk. If that is the case, I imagine something more powerful would be needed for jet fuel, but do any mammals fly? I know it doesn't make sense, but I am sure that only seal and whale milk could be used for boating. I can think about so many more questions along that line, those ones barely skim the surface - they account for maybe 1% or 2% of what is coming to mind right now - a really condensed version of my thoughts. 

Would everyone have their own dairy cow? I would. I have a huge back yard. I would have like 5 cows. No way I am buying more milk than I have to. Would it need to be pasteurized or would it work better whole? Someone would make millions producing home pasteurization gadgets. I wonder if people would create co-ops and pool their milk or even their cattle together? It would make sense and probably be cheaper than buying it retail. Of course if there were too many government regulations to actually produce your own milk, that is all a moo point. I would hope they would at least allow us to use half and half - you know part from our own supply and part purchased commercially.

What would happen to the advertising campaign featuring famous people with milk mustaches? Would we even drink milk anymore? 

Would milk stations smell terrible from all the milk dripping on the ground when you fill your car?

Would it become acceptable to cry over spilled milk?

What does homogenized mean? Does it affect milk mileage?

Would it milk propulsion be more or less expensive than using gasoline and would Wisconsin become the new Saudi Arabia? How long would it take Michael Moore to make a movie about all this?

Would astronauts have to use their ice cream to fuel their rockets?

Would we have to use fresh milk before the expiration date or could we simply reconstitute evaporated milk?

That opens up an entirely different line of thinking involving cheese-propulsion methods that would probably be extraneous even for me right now. That would be taking it whey too far.

Would a person with lactose intolerance have to use almond milk? Would a vegan feel obligated to opt for soy milk? Would those even work?!

Now you know what is happening when I get that far-away look and my eyes glaze over. It is udderly ridiculous.