This past Wednesday, one of the students that attends my student ministry walked in and said - "This better be good, my mom made me come to this youth group tonight."
It was like music to my ears. Strip away the not-so-pleasant extras that typify the statements of your average Middle School student and something really cool is left behind - My parents made me come. Those have got to be among my favorite words to hear. Obviously, it would be preferable for every student to want to come on their own, but a person in my position is all to aware that the influence of parents is much more far reaching than my own.
Sometimes parents get afraid that if the "force" their kids to attend church or youth group or whatever they will be horribly, irreparably scarred by it and grow up to be complete heathens with a deep-seated bitterness towards church, God, and them.
Yes. Just like when you force them to eat veggies and brush their teeth and do their homework and go to bed at night and all those other things that they don't want to do at the time but are clearly important for them to do.I have never heard of anyone's fear that their child will grow embittered towards tooth brushing and give up all forms of personal hygiene because it was forced upon them.
It is at this point where someone is probably thinking that their parents did require them to attend some sort of church function and it did result in some form of rebellion that has stretched into their adulthood. It is more rare than you would imagine and it is almost never that simple. More often it is not that they were forced to attend so much as how, or why, or the fact that their parent's lifestyles didn't sync up with their religious professions resulting in a confused and eventually cynical response.
Don't worry, telling your child that they need to turn off the TV, do their homework later, or get over the fact that their friend won't be there that night don't yield that result. Eventually it can grow to something more, but the simple explanation about why you want them to go can go an awful long way. Ultimately, it is all a decision they have to make on their own - but your leadership as they mature is crucial.
It is incredibly important that your children are able to question their faith and make it their own rather than simply accepting it as some sort of inheritance. It is essential that they eventually find their faith, and as a result, their participation in Church life to be a vital part of their life. When a parent doesn't show them how important it truly is, it is awful hard to make that connection.
In my years as a youth minister, I have had a handful of students who have attended with zero support from their parents and it always blows my mind. I am convinced I would not be where I am today had my parents made Church an optional activity. In the cases where there isn't parental involvement, it seems like it is always all or nothing. They are either committed and regular participants, or they visit once and never come back more than a few times a year.
There isn't room for a middle ground when no one is creating that room.
Let your children know how you value your faith by emphasizing the simplest aspects of it - church attendance, Bible study, prayer. If I ask a religion-based question of young people, those are invariably among the first answers -- because they are the most obvious, simple, and basic acts of faith to the point that even the youngest children know them!
So parents, don't worry, we youth ministers don't mind if they are only coming because you are making them come - we have a great appreciation when you are making that decision - we can't teach them if you don't!
Students, don't complain if you don't want to come or you want to go somewhere else, you parents are right - your faith in general is and your participation in your "home" church are of the utmost importance in helping develop a personal and independent faith.
Everyone else, learn to appreciate the value of the words: My parents made me come.
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