In spite of working at a small church in a small town, my schedule is still fraught with meetings. I meet with the preaching minister, committees, and volunteers here, with the other local ministers, with area Christian church ministers, with youth workers from the camp area, and with planning teams for a variety of events ranging from summer camp to the middle school lock in we just had. Some meetings have tasks they need to accomplish, others are just for to get together and do what I will generously call networking.
With the proper mix of format, agenda, and company, I tend to find meetings pretty appealing as a change of pace from my normal schedule. On the other hand, so many things can go wrong with a meeting that never cease to be amazed by it.
It could be an unprepared leader with no plan of action, it could be that I find the subject matter completely pointless and my attendance is a matter of undesired obligation, or it could be that others in attendance are confrontational and oppose progress - there is a veritable mine field of potential problems.. While all of those possibilities contribute to my frustration with many meetings, none stack up to my resentment towards the real star of this blog.
So here is the scenario.
The meeting is going along smoothly. Everyone arrived and was greeted amicably before things got underway. The leader of this meeting laid out some goals and a brief agenda and got started without any big speeches. We power through things - assigning responsibilities, brainstorming and refining ideas, making decisions - doing everything with a good dose of fun and without condescension. Then one guy, there is almost always that guy, brings everything screeching to a halt.
Apparently, now is the appropriate time to address all the details of his pet project. He has been waiting for his moment to shine. He isn't bringing up any grand ideas or laying out any vision - he is merely crippling the progress with mundane minutiae. Suddenly, matters that would better be handled by an individual or by a small group are being forced into the laps of a larger group than will ever accomplish the task.
They want to talk about safety, they want to talk about the philosophy behind the decisions in questions, they want to bring up endless contingencies that will never happen, they want me to slip something into their coffee so we can continue our meeting in relative peace.
In working with students, I have found that this person always has a fall back issue - making out. His God-appointed role is to always make sure that middle school, high school, and college students aren't making out on his watch. To anyone outside the world of youth ministry - let me assure you that this isn't just one guy I know, there is a whole self-appointed league of extraordinary gentlemen tasked with this agenda.
For responsible youth workers, it is something that sits in the back of our minds but we understand that if young people are dead set on getting frisky, it is going to happen. We generally try to make making out difficult without making not making out our main objective. Make sense?
These people have great imaginations. Every dark, quiet, private, or potentially secretive spot is destined to be a hot spot of adolescent kissy facing. Exposing these sites is their crusade. They will stop at nothing to shed light on, patrol, and publicize every nook and niche of the church building, campsite, or convention center.No imaginable scenario is too improbable to discuss, no possible spot is to unrealistic to dismiss, no potential resolution is so simple and obvious that it doesn't require some conversation.
My experience tells me it is dangerous business to make light of their cause...
I propose a subcommittee for the prevention of kisses for every meeting in which I am involved. Everyone is invited to participate but no one is required to attend. The findings of said committee are to be meticulously recorded before being filed along with the results of the meetings or the subcommittee for the prevention of utterly implausible accidents, the subcommittee for the discussion of the theology and philosophy of the irrelevant, and the subcommittee for the preparation of an unnecessary "plan B."
In addition, there will be a pre-meeting meeting for those who failed to prepare for the meeting so they don't waste everyone else' time, an exhaustive FAQ sheet to answer the questions we have already addressed and don't care to rehash, and an optional post-meeting meeting for anyone who doesn't want to do any real work on their own or doesn't realize that is a viable option.
Everyone else is welcome to meet me for lunch.
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