Thank you very little

Today on my way from one place to another I got a call from Sandy. She needed $9.71 to pay for something and wanted me to stop by Casey's to get some cash. I had already passed Casey's so I went to the closer of the two local gas stations to grab a few things and get some cash back with my debit card.

At this point you may be wondering why I went to the extent of buying something and getting cash back instead of just hitting the nearest drive-thru ATM and getting twenty bucks. Allow me to enlighten you. You will thank me later.

When you go to an ATM, you almost invariably have to pay a fee - usually it is around $2. Personally, I bank out of town so there isn't many options for an fee-free ATM. Oftentimes your bank also charges you for using someone else's ATM and you can end up paying like $5 to get $20. Stupid banks.

Getting cash back when you purchase an item is free. This means that it is a much better option to get a little something from the gas station and spend a few bucks for a snack instead of spending even more for nothing more the transaction: essentially you are getting your snack free and still pay less than you would have in fees. Genius, no? I didn't think of it, so you can feel free to note the genius of the idea without attributing it to me if you please.

Back to my story. I was closer to the Freedom Oil here in town than I was to the Casey's so I figured that for my current purpose it was just as good. I filled up a cheap fountain drink (one of only one way that Freedom may be better than Casey's) and grabbed the snack Sandy suggested I buy so I could take advantage of the cash back gambit. When I got to the counter and asked for cash back I was told I couldn't get it. I was confused and said,
"I can't get cash back with a debit card?"
She said,  "No, just with check."
I said, "Ah man, let me put back the snack - I just got it so I could get cash back."
She said, "Sorry"
I said, "No big deal"
She said, "If you need cash back you can go to the other gas station down the street."
I said, "That was my plan."

I didn't say, "Thank you very little."

Then she gave me my receipt and I was on my way. I had a big cup of sweet tea so I wasn't too upset. Of course then I looked at my receipt and noticed that she hadn't gotten the snack taken off before I got charged for it. Still wasn't upset really - I mean, I still got the snackage. I went back in said something about since I paid for it I better go grab it. She hadn't realized her mistake and confirmed it on a receipt and apologized again and I told her not to worry about it again and took off.

Most people who know me well recognize that I am not a peerless example of self control so understand that I am not setting myself to be one, but let me make note of a few things that happened here. When I found out that my plans at getting cash back were foiled, I was noticeably disappointed. I realized, though, that it wasn't her fault - a cashier does not make such policy decisions - and I didn't take it out on her. Me having a bad day isn't a good reason to make her have one as well. No amount of telling her about how I was feeling would change how I was feeling - it could only change how she was feeling.

I could have also simply left the fountain drink and snack at her counter and walked out. She actually indicated that I didn't have to buy it - but I declined her offer and let her know that there was no reason to waste the drink that couldn't be put back.

You'll notice that when I left and noticed her mistake that I came back in and corrected it, but I didn't berate her and allowed her to check the receipt to make sure everything was kosher. It is likely that she could have refunded the purchase, but I weighed whether it was worth the $1.59 that I was getting a snack for anyway and decided it wasn't. It wasn't just that it wasn't worth my time or whatever, but it wasn't worth her time and energy and the potential effect on her day in general.

Somewhere along the way we decided that we deserve certain things and that, in those cases, no social conventions apply. If I paid for this meal, I deserve to be able to tell you exactly what I feel about it and demand a refund and send it back repeatedly. If you made a mistake that in some way inconvenienced me, it is well within my rights to take it out on you.

I recently read about how Christians are often brought up in a way that leaves them overly passive and ineffective in conflict or confrontation. The book emphasized being good over being nice. I kind of liked the idea. Nice people are very often unable to assertively stand up for themselves and are prone to being walked on and taken advantage of. Sometimes you need to speak up in a way that may be perceived as rude or mean as a matter of defense against a bully of some sort at work or school or home or in the community. This is being assertive, but not aggressive. This is defending, not attacking. This is being good over being nice.

If I had given the cashier a piece of my mind, many people would have said "Good for you!"

The problem: not only was I not being nice, I wasn't being good either. There is a wide space between being assertive to avoid being purposely taken advantage of and being aggressive in response to taking some sort of loss by the accidental action of another or as a result of circumstances beyond their control. One is a defense against a bully, the other is being the bully.

It shocks me that Christians often do not make the distinction. It is like they believe that when they pay for a meal the option to talk down to and berate the restaurant staff is a part of the price.

In Chicago there is a restaurant named Ed Debevic's. At this restaurant the wait staff is mean. This isn't my personal review of a place I had a bad experience with once: this is their business plan. They make jokes at your expense and mock the way you make an order and you are expected to fight back. You pay extra for this experience - whether you want it or not. Ed Debevic's is a lot of fun and no one's feelings get hurt because everyone is in on it.

Applebee's is not Ed Debevic's. Neither is Olive Garden or McDonald's or the Chinese Buffet or Freedom Oil.

When the service or policy of any establishment causes you inconvenience or any sort of pain consider your response carefully. Are they purposely trying to take advantage of you or rip you off? If it is a bank, the answer is probably yes but that is a bitter aside that I will save for later. Is your problem a result of their poor service or mistakes?

If they aren't purposely taking advantage of you, get over it. You didn't pay enough to be entitled to ruin the day of a server that you probably weren't going to tip appropriately either way. What have you really lost in this interaction? I personally got everything I paid for, I just didn't intend to pay for it. What do you possibly have to gain by lashing out? I would have only felt guilty and, living in a small town, would have made a fool of myself in a way that could easily come back to me in short order. I can't really think of a great example of when it makes sense as an adult, as a generally decent person, and especially as a Christian to behave in a hostile manner in such a circumstance.

Notice that I didn't just leave without taking what I had paid for. If your steak is bloody, have them cook it more. If you ordered fries, go back and ask for your full order. You don't have to be a jerk to get what you paid for, but if you are seeking to get what you feel like you "deserve" you probably are being a jerk.  A sense of entitlement is petty and childish.

When I was done at Freedom Oil, I went down the street to Casey's.
I didn't get something I couldn't put back.
I asked for cash back in advance.
He offered $20.
I asked for $10 - a five and 5 ones.
He joked, "Now you are just being picky."
I said, "Oh I know... believe me, I know."
He laughed.
I did say "Thank you."