Somewhere along the way, Sandy and I started using a new method of Jack-management. When we asked him to do something (or stop doing something) and he failed to comply - we would start counting.
1... 2... 3...
We never talked to one another about this new parenting strategy. We never told Jack that he better do what we told him before we got to three. But guess what? It works. Every time.
The higher the number, the more urgently he acts. Usually he hears the "one" and either ignores it or slowly starts to act. By the time we hit "two" he either greatly increases his speed of action or has already completed the command given him. If we get to "three" he moves furiously to complete the task before time runs out. Even though we never told him there was a specific deadline for his action, I have never gotten past the number three.
One of my friends in college used to save up assignments until the night before they were due and pull all-night study session to complete his projects. He did this on purpose. He didn't let things slide until the last minute, he purposely chose to save them up until time had almost run out and then act. I suppose the added motivation ensured that he didn't even have the choice to lose focus or procrastinate further.
If we don't impose deadlines on action, action will generally fail to occur.
Lend me $50. I will pay you back. Someday. Probably.
If you don't remind me or at some point say - "Hey, I will be seeing you Monday, can I get that 50 bucks then?" I might easily assume you never really wanted me to pay you back and it was little more than a matter of courtesy that I said I would pay you back.
That isn't my actual course of action when lent something so you can let me borrow without fear, but that is a reasonable expectation on a request for action without deadline. I let my friend Matt borrow a table and chairs of my indefinitely. Will I ever ask for it back? Probably not, but if I ever have need I will have to place some sort of deadline - formal or informal - on the return of that furniture.
Generally this principle works on a shorter scale of time. If I am asked to do the dishes and agree to do it, it may take me a few days before I get to it. Sandy may actually do them herself before I get to them. I wasn't lying about my intentions, but since she didn't add a deadline of any sort to the request, the lack of urgency allowed me to easily slide it down my to-do list.
If I switch gears over to church life, this discussion takes on a whole new life. When a preacher says we need to change, we might decide then and there to do so and never "get around" to it. That doesn't necessarily bring our sincerity into question, it is merely a sense of urgency.
If a leader says - "You need to meet as a ministry or committee this year," the members of said group may actually plan to meet. That meeting generally does not happen because it is easy enough to say - we still have 10 months, or 6, or 3 - until it is too late. If the same leader says - "You need to meet quarterly AND you need to set a date for at least your first meeting today," -- those meetings will most likely occur.
The closer we get to our deadlines, the more urgently we act to complete our tasks. Without those deadlines, we don't have the urgency.
Setting deadlines isn't telling people what to do or how to do it, it isn't micromanaging and looking over shoulders, it is merely communicating the value of the act happening within a set time frame. It is establishing urgency. If a limit isn't set, the importance of completing the undertaking is minimized.
To emphasize the critical nature of the operation you don't have to set up all sorts of ultimatums or consequences if they aren't done. If you set up those consequences without telling them when they will be enacted they are irrelevant. Set the expectation and the time line and see what happens.
What happens if we get to three and Jack hasn't been obedient to what we asked? We don't know, it has never gotten to that point.
No comments:
Post a Comment