Da Reason is...

Today, I write a blog in honor of President's Day. Today, the banks and Post Offices and schools are closed and the reason is President's Day. I am not sure it is an entirely valid reason, but maybe that is because I don't get off work today. I am, however, quite certain that it is a more valid reason than Casimir Pulaski Day.

I have a friend names Jason Ingels. . My group of friends from high school are all privy to a special language, based on words and phrases that can all be attributed to Jason***. We call these words and phrases "Ingelsisms." Let me spin a yarn about one of the better known Ingelsisms...

Jason was and is stronger than any two of the rest of us. Jason was and is often the center of our comedic universe. That means that while we have this tendency to mock, harass, and otherwise disparage one another, Jason was most often the brunt of the joke. Case in point: Ingelsisms.

Jason often resorted to simply beating us in response to our tomfoolery at his expense rather than making fun of us in return. One day, however, friend Alex made the recognition that while he would get hit over virtually nothing, friend Ryan could say the same exact thing or worse without enduring any beating whatsoever. When confronted with this truth, Jason retorted. "Da reason is... I like Haas." Or at least that is how the story goes. It's been a long time so the lines are starting to blur between what he actually said and what someone else said and attributed to him.

Rightfully ascribed or no, I think that what Jason said has a deeper, albeit utterly unintended truth. Jason didn't make an excuse, he simply gave the reason.

We seem to have problems distinguishing the difference. Everyone has excuses and they all stink. That reminds me of a saying I heard once...

We have all heard and made excuses. I learned at an early age that the ability to distinguish between the two personally can make all the difference in the world. My dad once told me something like this: There are people who make excuses and blame everything on someone else, and there are people who take blame and accept responsibility. Only one of those choices is a productive one.

I think a big difference between a reason and an excuse is that more often than not, the reason makes you look bad. It's really possible that a reason is simply the ugly truth behind an excuse.

If you ask a girl out and she says she can't, she has to wash her hair -- well that is an excuse. The real REASON is that she doesn't want to go out with you.

If someone is late and gives you an excuse for being late, it is almost never the reason. The reason is usually that they weren't responsible or considerate enough to plan ahead and leave on time. See, a flat tire is an reason. A kid barfing in the back seat is a reason. "We lost track of time" is the excuse that covers the true reason of "We wanted to catch the end of the game more than we wanted to be on time to meet you."

I think that while it is not always "your fault," usually, in some way, it is. A person will always appreciate a bit of truth and blame acceptance over excuses.

Sometimes finding the truth behind a reason just takes some digging. Keep asking the reason "why" until you find where your personal responsibility in the issue lies, then stop asking why.

Let's use Seth as an example. Seth got angry at Sandy the other day while driving. Seth asked which direction Sandy wanted him to go and she didn't answer him because she thought it was too late to change lanes. For the record, it was not too late. Seth was angry because she didn't answer him. Why? Because he asked the question and could have done something had she responded. Why did that make him angry? Because he had to go the other way. Well that only added like 90 seconds to the trip, so why did it matter? Because Seth was hungry and grumpy and impatient. Seth can stop asking why now.

That's not something I want to put on my business card, but its the reason.

Fun side note - asking "why" a few more times lets you pass the buck some more. If I ask why I am impatient I can blame my father or mother or my id or something. That defeats the purpose and probably leads you down an even less desirable path of blame and lack of personal responsibility.

The reason is often this: I am making a choice of one thing over another. Sometimes we make poor choices and publicizing those choices can make us look bad.

The reason can also often be that we are weak. I took my anger out on Sandy because I exhibited poor self control. Obviously, that is not an easy admission to make.

I would suggest that another of the major reasons behind our excuses is that we are often just inconsiderate. We don't think about how something affects anyone other than ourselves.

It might just be that making excuses is easier than making apologies.

Here's the thing. Blaming everyone else, making excuses doesn't ever improve your standing. Making excuses doesn't make friends or money or get you in shape or earn respect. If you accept the blame and take responsibility - recognize the issue and actually take steps to resolve it - well that is progress.




***Technically like 30% of Ingelsisms cannot be directly attributed to Jason as actual quotations, rather they are things one or more of us imagined COULD have been said by Jason.